theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
