Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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