Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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