I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
