I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
