took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
