I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
