I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize