you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
