On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
