Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
