I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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