i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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