Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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