dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
