Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
