How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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