I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
