He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
