If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
