just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
