sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
