FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
