Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
