In the future we'll all be gay
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
COCAINE IS GR8
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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