So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drunk is not a location!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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