he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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