There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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