I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
