so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
