He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
