that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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