the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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