Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize