I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
