oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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