I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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