non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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