you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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