i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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