he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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