My sheets look like a crime scene.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
