Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
