Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
