look no pants
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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