Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
