We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
