1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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