we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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