i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
