...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
