Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
