i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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