why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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