If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
