WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
