listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
