he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
