haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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