Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
