these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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