Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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