I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
