i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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