I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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