Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
