For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My ass is underappreciated
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize