ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
