She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
