there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
