were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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