awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
