remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
