I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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