Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
