I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
